Not diggin’ the digs

The other day I was cooking (yes, really, cooking) and as my eyes wandered up towards the ceiling (‘watchpot’ actually never does boil, and especially so when your hob doesn’t heat up as fast as it should) I noticed a sticker on the air vent. It reads something about avoiding kitchen fires, but what really caught my eye was the slogan at the bottom from the accommodation provider.

I have been forturnate enough to be thrown into a privately owned hall of residence, rather than one owned by the University. Thus, I am living in a commercial property, owned by a company that trades on the stock market, with a managing director that lives in a large mansion on Jersey. As you can imagine, this means that any minutely potential source of revenue is bled dry- tenants included. As such, here, you will find that a replacement key (not actually a key but a bit of shaped cardboard) will cost you twenty quid and a coffee stain on the desk will cost you your deposit (alledgedly).

Another thing that is inevitable about living with a corporation is that branding is incessant. Everywhere I walk I’m reminded of their logo and colours and of how living with them gives me ‘the indepedance I desire’- blah blah blah. Yuck. This poster in the kitchen had three mini-slogans on. I noticed how none of them were true.

‘Urban Lifestyle- In Great Locations’

Granted, the building is slap bang in the middle of town (at the bottom of the very large hill that the campus is perched on), but if ‘great locations’ refers to being parked opposite a student house that likes to double up as an unlicensed club now and again then it’s lying.

‘Friendly People- On Hand to Help’

OK, so the one member of staff I’ve ever spoken to is fairly amicable. ‘On hand’ is a bit generous though-she’s only in the office four hours a day. And two weeks ago I reported a problem with our fridge. No sign of any friendly maintenance men yet…

‘Student Living- With Your Friends’

It’s a hall of residence- of course it’s student living. But I’m not living with my friends, five of us got chucked together from the pit of applications. I’m making them though, so that one’s gradually becoming more true.

I could go on moaning about excessive internet costs for poor service, poor provision when compared to university owned accommodation at a similar price etc… but I won’t.

Because I’ve got to live here for the next forty weeks. What a well painted air vent that is…

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